Complete the steps of the IFS process for working with Exiles

• Getting Permission to Work with an Exile
  • If necessary, ask the Protector to show you the Exile.
  • Ask its permission to get to know the Exile.
  • If it won’t give permission, ask what it is afraid would happen if you accessed the Exile.
  • The Exile has too much pain. Explain that you will stay in Self and get to know the Exile, not dive into its pain.
  • There isn’t any point in going into the pain. Explain that you can heal the Exile.
  • The Protector will have no role and will therefore be eliminated. Explain that the Protector can choose a new role in your psyche.
• Getting to Know an Exile
  • [Video] Internal Family Systems: Exiles by Lucas Forstmeyer
  • Accessing an Exile
  • Sense it in your body or get an image of it.
• Unblending from an Exile
  • If you are blended with an Exile:
  • Ask the Exile to contain its feelings so you can be there for it.
  • Consciously separate from the Exile and return to Self.
  • Get an image of the Exile at a distance from you.
  • Do a centering/grounding induction.
  • If the Exile won’t contain its feelings:
  • Ask what it is afraid would happen if it did.
  • You really want to witness its feelings and story, but you need to be separate to do that.
  • Conscious blending: If you can tolerate it, it is OK to feel the Exile’s pain.
• Unblending from Concerned Parts
  • Check how you feel toward the Exile.
  • If you aren’t in Self or don’t feel compassion, unblend any Concerned Parts.
  • They are usually afraid of your getting overwhelmed by the Exile’s pain or the Exile taking over.
  • Explain that you will stay in Self and not give the Exile power.
• Finding Out About an Exile
  • What do you feel?
  • What makes you feel so (feeling)?
• Developing a Trusting Relationship with an Exile
  • Let the Exile know that you want to hear its story.
  • Communicate to the Exile that you feel compassion, caring, etc., toward it.
  • Check to see if the Exile can sense you there and how it is responding to your compassion.
• Accessing and Witnessing Childhood Origins
  • Ask the Exile to show you an image or memory of when it learned to feel this way in childhood.
  • Ask the Exile how this made it feel.
  • Check to make sure the Exile has shown you everything it wants witnessed.
  • After witnessing, check to see if the Exile believes that you understand how bad it was.
• Reparenting an Exile
  • Bring yourself (as Self) into the childhood situation and ask the Exile what it needs from you to heal it or change what happened.
  • Give that to the Exile through your internal imagination.
  • Check to see how the Exile is responding to your reparenting.
  • If it can’t sense you or isn’t taking in your caring, ask why and work with that.
• Retrieving an Exile
  • One of the things the Exile may need is to be taken out of the childhood situation.
  • You can bring it into some place in the present, into your body, or into an imaginary place.
  • Let it tell you where it wants to be taken.
• Unburdening an Exile
  • Identify the burden the Exile is carrying—an extreme feeling or belief.
  • Ask the Exile if it wants to give up or release the burden and if it feels ready to do so.
  • If it doesn’t want to, ask what it is afraid would happen if it let the burden go. Then handle those fears.
  • How does the Exile carry the burden in or on its body?
  • Ask what the Exile would like to release the burden to: light, water, wind, earth, fire, or anything else.
  • Once the burden is gone, notice what positive qualities or feelings arise in the Exile or what positive qualities it would like to take in.
• Integration and Unburdening a Protector
  • Introduce the transformed Exile to the Protector.
  • See if the Protector now realizes that its role of protection is no longer necessary.
  • If necessary, take it through an unburdening and notice what positive qualities arise.
  • The Protector can choose a new role in your psyche.
  • Imagine yourself at the original trailhead and see if any parts get activated.