James Fitzgerald Therapy PLLC

Emotion Regulation Module

Emotions that fit the Facts

In your daily life, emotions arise in response to different situations, and sometimes they feel overwhelming or confusing. A key skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is learning to recognize when emotions “fit the facts” of a situation, meaning that your emotional reaction is justified and serves an adaptive function. This skill helps you develop emotional awareness and self-validation while also distinguishing between helpful emotions and those that might be based on assumptions or past experiences rather than the present reality.

When fear arises, it often fits the facts if you are in a situation that poses a real threat to your safety, health, or well-being. If you are walking alone at night and someone starts following you in a way that seems suspicious, fear is an appropriate response because it signals danger and prepares you to take protective action. On the other hand, fear might not fit the facts if there is no actual threat, such as feeling terrified of social rejection when there is no evidence that others are judging you harshly.

Anger fits the facts when you or someone you care about experiences an actual injustice, boundary violation, or intentional harm. If someone deliberately lies about you, steals from you, or disrespects an important personal boundary, anger is a natural response that motivates you to address the problem and advocate for fairness. However, anger may not fit the facts if you find yourself reacting intensely to a situation that is more about a misunderstanding than an actual wrongdoing.

Sadness fits the facts when you experience a genuine loss, such as the death of a loved one, the end of a meaningful relationship, or missing an important opportunity. Sadness signals that something valuable is gone and helps you process grief and change. It may not fit the facts if you find yourself feeling persistently sad over imagined losses or situations where nothing meaningful has actually changed.

Guilt fits the facts when you have done something that violates your personal values or has harmed someone else. If you lied, broke a promise, or hurt someone’s feelings through your actions, guilt serves as a signal that you need to make amends. However, guilt may not fit the facts if you feel responsible for things outside of your control or experience excessive guilt over minor mistakes that others have already forgiven.

Shame fits the facts when you have acted in a way that significantly violates core social or moral values, leading to a sense of personal failure. If you intentionally deceived someone in a way that damaged trust or behaved in a way that goes against your deep sense of integrity, shame can motivate you to realign with your values. However, shame often does not fit the facts when it is based on unrealistic expectations, perfectionism, or internalized beliefs from past criticism or rejection.

Love fits the facts when you care about someone and they have shown consistent kindness, respect, and mutual investment in the relationship. It motivates connection and deepens bonds with others. However, love might not fit the facts if it is based solely on idealization or if someone has repeatedly harmed or disrespected you but you still feel an intense emotional attachment.

By learning when emotions fit the facts, you can develop greater clarity in responding to life’s challenges. This skill does not mean ignoring emotions that don’t fit the facts, but rather recognizing when emotions are guiding you effectively and when they may need to be regulated or reevaluated. Practicing this awareness helps you make wise, balanced choices that align with both your emotions and the reality of the situation.

Handout 8a in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Training: Emotion Regulation Module presents the concept of “Emotions That Fit the Facts.” This concept is a central part of DBT’s fact-checking strategy for emotions, helping individuals determine whether their emotional reactions are justified and effective in a given situation. The handout outlines when specific emotions are considered appropriate or reasonable based on reality and when they may be exaggerated, distorted, or unhelpful due to cognitive biases, trauma history, or dysregulated emotional patterns.

Concept of “Emotions That Fit the Facts”

In DBT, emotions are viewed as neither good nor bad, but rather as functional or dysfunctional depending on whether they accurately reflect reality and lead to effective action. The Emotion Regulation module helps clients identify when an emotion is justified by facts and when it may be disproportionate, prompting them to reappraise the situation or use emotion regulation skills.

How “Emotions That Fit the Facts” Are Determined

DBT suggests that emotions fit the facts when they are proportional to a situation and based on objective reality rather than distortions or assumptions. The handout provides specific examples of situations where different emotions are justified. Here are a few examples:

• Fear fits the facts when there is a real threat to one’s life, safety, or well-being.
• Anger fits the facts when one’s boundaries are violated, injustice is happening, or someone is threatening harm.
• Guilt fits the facts when one has violated one’s own moral values or has harmed someone else.
• Shame fits the facts when one’s behavior is socially unacceptable and could lead to exclusion from an important group.
• Sadness fits the facts when one has experienced a real loss or disappointment.

However, many emotions do not fit the facts due to misinterpretations, assumptions, or extreme emotional vulnerability. For example:

• Feeling fear in response to an imaginary or exaggerated danger does not fit the facts.
• Feeling shame for something that is not morally or socially wrong does not fit the facts.
• Feeling anger at someone based on misinterpreted intentions does not fit the facts.

The Purpose of Handout 8a

This handout helps clients evaluate whether their emotional responses are justified or if they need to apply skills such as checking the facts, opposite action, or cognitive reappraisal. When emotions do not fit the facts, clients are encouraged to practice changing their response through DBT skills rather than acting impulsively based on the emotion.

Using This Concept in Therapy

Therapists using DBT help clients:

1. Identify the triggering situation for an emotion.
2. Check the facts—Is the emotional response based on reality or an assumption?
3. Determine if the emotion fits the facts by referencing Handout 8a.
4. Apply emotion regulation skills such as opposite action or problem-solving if the emotion does not fit the facts.
5. Validate emotions that fit the facts while also coaching clients on how to respond effectively.

This approach empowers individuals to regulate their emotions more effectively by distinguishing between emotional reactions that are appropriate versus those that need modification.

References:

• Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
• Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder. The Guilford Press.