James Fitzgerald Therapy PLLC

VALIDATE – Expanded DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills

Interpersonal relationships can be complex. When communication becomes challenging, misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional distance may arise. One of the most powerful and advanced skills taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for enhancing relationships is called VALIDATE. Developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, VALIDATE is part of the advanced skills training within the DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness module, aimed specifically at helping individuals improve their emotional connection, reduce conflict, and enhance mutual understanding with others (Linehan, 2015).

Validation is a crucial ingredient in building trust, compassion, empathy, and understanding within relationships. It goes beyond simply agreeing or sympathizing with someone’s viewpoint. Instead, validation involves actively acknowledging and recognizing another person’s experiences, emotions, and perspectives as understandable and meaningful—even when you do not necessarily agree with their opinions or actions. This skill not only helps de-escalate conflicts but fosters genuine connection, safety, and intimacy in relationships.

The acronym VALIDATE outlines each critical component of practicing advanced validation skills effectively:

V – Value the other person’s feelings and experiences.
This means expressing genuine respect and appreciation for their perspective. You acknowledge that their emotions matter, even if they differ from your own or seem difficult to understand.

A – Ask questions.
Demonstrate genuine curiosity about the other person’s experience and feelings. Open-ended questions that allow them to express themselves further show sincere interest and help clarify misunderstandings.

L – Listen actively and mindfully.
Practice mindful listening by giving your full attention to the other person without distractions or judgments. Use verbal and non-verbal cues, such as nodding and affirming comments, to show you’re fully engaged.

I – Identify with their feelings or experience.
Empathize by recalling similar experiences or feelings you have had in the past. Even if the exact situation is unfamiliar, you can acknowledge the common humanity underlying their emotional experience.

D – Describe what you see without judgment.
Reflect back observations objectively without criticism or interpretation. For example, instead of saying, “You’re overreacting,” say, “I see you’re feeling very hurt right now.”

A – Acknowledge the valid aspects of their feelings or thoughts.
Clearly express that their feelings or thoughts make sense given their situation. Affirm that their emotional reaction is understandable given their experience, even if you would react differently.

T – Treat the other person with dignity and respect.
Ensure your words, tone, and body language communicate respect, even during disagreements. Maintaining respect enhances emotional safety and mutual trust in relationships.

E – Express warmth and empathy.
Communicate emotional support through comforting gestures, compassionate language, and a warm, caring tone. Let them know they’re not alone, and you genuinely care about their feelings and experiences.

Validation does not mean you agree or approve of everything the other person does or says. Instead, it recognizes and respects their internal experiences as meaningful and worthy of attention. Practicing VALIDATE consistently can help improve your relationships, reduce misunderstandings, and create an emotionally healthier environment, enhancing overall interpersonal effectiveness.

Psychoeducational Exercise: Practicing VALIDATE Skills in Daily Interactions

Below is a structured exercise to help you practice and internalize the VALIDATE skills in your daily interactions.

Step 1: Select an Interaction
Identify a recent or upcoming interpersonal interaction where conflict or misunderstanding might occur, or where emotional connection is especially important. This could be a discussion with your partner, friend, family member, or coworker.

Step 2: Practice the VALIDATE Steps Mindfully
Engage in the interaction, intentionally focusing on applying each of the VALIDATE steps. Aim to implement each step clearly:

  • Value their feelings by verbally acknowledging their emotions:
    “I understand why you’re feeling upset.”
  • Ask open-ended questions to better understand their experience:
    “Can you tell me more about how this affected you?”
  • Listen actively and attentively without interrupting. Practice maintaining eye contact and nonverbal acknowledgment like nodding gently and appropriately.
  • Identify personally with their feelings (internally or aloud):
    “I remember feeling similarly disappointed in a situation I was in.”
  • Describe their feelings and experiences without judgment:
    “It sounds like this situation is really overwhelming for you.”
  • Acknowledge the validity of their perspective explicitly:
    “Given the situation, your reaction makes a lot of sense.”
  • Treat them with consistent respect and dignity, even if conflict arises, maintaining a calm and gentle tone.
  • Express warmth and empathy genuinely:
    “I can see this is hard for you, and I’m here to support you.”

Step 3: Reflect and Journal
After the interaction, set aside time to reflect and journal about your experience practicing VALIDATE. Consider these reflective questions in your journaling:

  • How did using VALIDATE affect the other person’s emotional response and behavior?
  • How did practicing VALIDATE influence your own emotions during the interaction?
  • Were there any steps of VALIDATE that felt particularly challenging or natural for you? Why?
  • What changes or improvements in your relationship did you notice from practicing these skills?
  • How might continuing to practice VALIDATE impact your interpersonal effectiveness long-term?

Step 4: Consistent Practice
Commit to practicing VALIDATE intentionally in various contexts and interactions over the next week. Track your progress, observe the impact, and continue refining your skillfulness. Discuss your experiences in therapy to deepen your insights and enhance your mastery of advanced interpersonal effectiveness skills.

Practicing VALIDATE regularly strengthens emotional bonds, deepens empathy, and fosters healthier, more respectful, and satisfying relationships.