James Fitzgerald Therapy PLLC

Self Therapy: Developing a Trusting Relationship with Protectors

As part of a daily mindfulness practice, structured routine, and strengths-based health and wellness program, you are encouraged to set aside some time every day to check in with parts of your Psyche. This intentional practice allows you to genuinely connect with yourself, fostering a deeper understanding of your thoughts and emotions. Engage in conversations with the protective parts of your psyche, building rapport and cultivating trust over time. It’s crucial to develop a friendship with those parts, acknowledging their existence and the roles they play in your mental landscape. As you become more familiar with these aspects of yourself, take the opportunity to ask them questions and listen to their responses. Get to know them extensively, exploring their histories, motivations, and the reasons behind their protective behaviors. Additionally, try to understand what their positive intent is for you, recognizing that even the most challenging parts of yourself often stem from a desire to keep you safe and promote your overall well-being. By nurturing this relationship, you empower yourself to embrace every facet of your being and pave the way for personal growth and self-acceptance.

A daily check‑in invites you (the Self) to sit at the same inner table or circle with the protective parts that work so hard to keep the system safe. Richard Schwartz describes these protectors (managers who organise life to prevent distress and firefighters who move in when distress breaks through) as devoted but often weary defenders that will “fight to the end to protect you.” They often feel alone and isolated by their role in your system. Establishing a regular time for dialogue lets each part feel less isolated and more trusting of Self‑leadership, the internal state marked by calmness, clarity, curiosity, confidence, and compassion.

I encourage you to begin by creating a predictable ritual: perhaps five or ten minutes every morning after waking or every evening before sleep. Sitting comfortably, eyes open or closed, allow your breath to lengthen and softly scan for physical sensations, images, thoughts, beliefs, or emotions that hint a protector is nearby. When a physical sensation surfaces (throbbing behind the eyes or tightness in the chest), an image of an anxious organizer, a memory of a recent experience, you can acknowledge, “I notice a part is present, and I welcome it.” This pause signals unblending: Self observes while the protector is witnessed rather than being merged with Self. Such somatic anchoring in daily practice is emphasized throughout the official Internal Family Systems model, which offers many exercises for meeting parts between formal therapy sessions.

Once you have gained access to a part and contact is made, you may wish to follow the six “F’s”: find the part, focus on it, flesh it out in detail, feel toward it from Self, befriend it, and explore its fears. Questions arise naturally from this sequence. You might ask the part, “Where do I sense you in my body just now?” When an image or felt sense responds, continue: “What are you concerned about today?” or “What would be the worst thing that could happen if you relaxed your post?” Protective parts often reveal they are guarding against loneliness, abandonment, failure, humiliation, loss, shame, neglect, rejection or overwhelm; hearing this in the routine safety of a daily check‑in steadily reduces the part’s need to escalate. Everyday language is used that honors the part’s positive intent, “I see how tirelessly you work to keep us safe, and I appreciate you” fosters rapport and makes negotiations easier when deeper work begins.

Helpful statements flow from the core qualities of Self. You can reassure a vigilant manager: “You do not have to carry all this responsibility alone; I am here with you.” To an impulsive firefighter you might say, “I understand how urgently you move when pain rises, and I want to learn what you need so we can find gentler options together.” Offering gratitude, “Thank you for showing up today; you kept us going for years” softens the protector’s stance, while a gentle request like “Would you be willing to let me hold this feeling for a moment?” invites collaboration without coercion. Consistency, not perfection, builds trust; if a part refuses dialogue, simply acknowledge its choice and promise to return tomorrow, signaling respect for the part’s autonomy.

To deepen the practice, you may want to journal each exchange, sketch images of parts, or play music that resonates with a specific protector, translating inner experience into an external record that highlights patterns over time. Some practitioners weave in brief self‑compassion exercises or grounding movements between conversations, creating a rhythm of listening and soothing that mirrors the ebb and flow of internal energy throughout the day. Research reviews note that such self‑directed IFS routines improve emotion regulation and self‑acceptance even when conducted in five‑minute increments, provided the client approaches their system from a non‑pathologising stance of curiosity and care.

Finally, remember that daily check‑ins are not about forcing change; they are invitations to relationship. As protectors learn that Self will reliably appear, hear them out and honour their concerns, their burden of hyper‑vigilance lightens. Over weeks and months the system internalises the felt sense that “Someone responsible is home,” allowing creative flexibility to emerge where rigid strategies once dominated. In this way, a few consistent minutes each day become a living practice of equity, dialogue and compassionate governance within the psyche—the very qualities many clients long to see reflected in the outer world as well.

References

• Anderson, F. S., Sweezy, M., & Schwartz, R. (2017). Internal Family Systems Therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
• Bernstein, G. (2024). Unlock the greatest resource of your life with Internal Family Systems Therapy [Podcast episode].
• Scott, D. (2023, February 11). My IFS cheat sheet. Medium.
• Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model. Sounds True.
• Schwartz, R. C. (2024). The Internal Family Systems Workbook: A Guide to Discover Your Self and Heal Your Parts. Sounds True.