Perfectionism - James Fitzgerald Therapy PLLC

James Fitzgerald Therapy, PLLC

James Fitzgerald, MS, NCC, Psychotherapist

Issues Addressed in Therapy

PERFECTIONISM

Perfectionism is a common personality trait that can have both positive and negative effects on your mental health. If you’re a perfectionist, you might constantly strive to meet high standards and are uncomfortable when you don’t meet those standards. You might feel the need to be perfect at all times, which can lead to stress and anxiety. Perfectionism is characterized by a strong desire to achieve high standards. It is often associated with high achievement, but it can also be associated with depression and anxiety. The term “perfectionist” has become synonymous with being overly critical of oneself, which can negatively impact mental health.

Perfectionism is often defined as a set of traits that include high personal standards and an obsessive need to be perfect. People may use the term “healthy perfectionism” to describe or justify perfectionistic behavior. Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth.

Brené Brown, a writer and research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, distinguishes between unhealthy perfectionism—which manifests in people who try to control outcomes instead of trying their best—and healthy striving. She states, “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfection is not about healthy achievement and growth.” She explains that perfectionism is used by many people as a shield to protect against the pain of blame, judgment, or shame.

Perfectionists tend to be very hard on themselves and their own performance. They may take years to complete tasks because they feel like they’re not doing them well enough or they’re not living up to their own expectations. This can become a problem when it leads to procrastination, which can cause people to miss out on opportunities or deadlines that could negatively impact their job or other responsibilities (e.g., schoolwork).

Perfectionism has been linked to depression and anxiety because it often causes people to view themselves negatively or internally criticize themselves (an “inner critic”) for not meeting expectations or goals set by others (e.g., parents, teachers, coaches). Perfectionism can lead individuals into feeling like failures if they don’t meet these expectations or goals because they believe this failure means something about who they are as a person (e.g., “I’m not good enough”).

Perfectionism can manifest itself in many ways:

-When you feel like you have to be perfect or else disaster will strike.

-When you’re afraid of making mistakes, so you avoid doing things that could lead to failure.

-When you’re hesitant to start something because it might not turn out exactly as planned.

Instead of being proud of their progress, learning, or hard work, they might constantly compare their work to the work of others or fixate on achieving flawless output. Even when people with perfectionistic traits get their desired results, they may still be unsatisfied. They may feel that if they truly were perfect, they would not have had to work so hard to achieve their goals.

Some examples of perfectionism include:

Spending 30 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email.
Believing that missing two points on a test is a sign of failure.
Difficulty being happy for others who are successful.
Holding oneself to the standards of others’ accomplishments or comparing oneself unfavorably and unrealistically to others.
Skipping class or avoiding a chore because it is pointless to make an effort unless perfection can be achieved.
Focusing on the end product rather than the process of learning.
Avoiding playing a game or trying a new activity with friends for fear of being shown up as less than perfect

Perfectionism can be debilitating if left unchecked. It can manifest in a number of ways and affect individuals in a variety of contexts. While it’s often considered a beneficial quality, perfectionism can actually have a negative impact on you if it’s allowed to take over your life.

If you think you might be a perfectionist, here are some signs:

You have high standards for yourself and others
Your work is excellent but not flawless
You feel like nothing good enough comes out of your hands or mind, no matter how hard you try
You’re extremely hard on yourself when something doesn’t go as planned or expected
You tend to get anxious or depressed when things go wrong even though everyone else seems okay with imperfection

It’s not just about being neat and organized! Perfectionists are often high achievers who have an unrealistic view of what they should achieve or how they should behave. They set unreachable goals for themselves and others, then judge themselves harshly when they fall short.

Types of Perfectionism

A few distinct types of perfectionism are thought to exist. While these types share similar behaviors, their motives and outcomes often differ.

Personal standards perfectionism: Someone who practices this type of perfectionism may adhere to a set of standards that motivate them. Others might still consider these standards to be high, but they are motivating to the person who sets them. This type of perfectionism is thought to be healthy, as it does not lead to excessive stress or burnout. People with personal standards perfectionism may be less likely to use harmful habits to cope with stress brought on by perfectionism. A person only has this type of perfectionism if their goals make them feel energized and not overwhelmed or paralyzed.

Self-critical perfectionism: This type of perfectionist is more prone to becoming intimidated by the goals they set for themselves rather than feeling motivated. They may more often feel hopeless or that their goals will never become reality. Research suggests that self-critical perfectionism is more likely to lead to negative emotions, such as distress, avoidance, anxiety, and self-condemnation.

Socially prescribed perfectionism: Outlined in a 2014 York University study, this type of perfectionism describes the demand for excellence often placed on people with jobs that require extreme precision, such as lawyers, medical professionals, and architects. Individuals in these professions experienced more hopeless thoughts, stress, and a higher risk for self-harm and suicide.

Socially prescribed perfectionism also applies to people who are held to high cultural or societal standards and who strive to meet these unrealistic goals. For example, students may be held to high academic standards by their parents. Teens and adults who feel pressure to obtain the type of body purported to be “ideal” by society may develop traits of socially prescribed perfectionism as a result.

Domains of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can impact many areas of a person’s life, and these areas are often referred to as domains. Sometimes, perfectionism affects only one domain, while other times, it impacts multiple domains. Below are some areas of life perfectionism can affect.

In the workplace or at school: People who are perfectionists in school or at work may take longer than others to complete a task. They may also avoid starting a task they do not feel confident in. This is often due to a desire to complete the task perfectly.
Intimate relationships or friendships: Perfectionism can cause people to place their unrealistic standards on their loved ones, bringing extra stress and pressure into the relationship.
Physical activity: Sports and athletics often encourage or exacerbate perfectionism. In individual sports, such as gymnastics or track, perfectionism may be especially prevalent, since the athlete is often competing against oneself.
Environment or surroundings: This may include the need for one’s house or yard to be immaculate at all times. It can cause an individual to spend large amounts of time and energy keeping their immediate surroundings tidy or in line with their aesthetic standards.
Hygiene and health: Ironically, this type of perfectionism may cause health issues. For instance, someone may stop brushing their teeth because they failed to do so once. This type of perfectionism may also lead to eating disorders like orthorexia nervosa, in which individuals feel compelled to stick to a rigidly healthy diet.
How one speaks or writes: When a person is perfectionistic about how they speak or write, the quality of their speech or writing may decrease. It may cause them to speak very little or to avoid writing for fear of making a mistake.
Physical appearance: This type of perfectionism can cause someone to worry excessively about their personal grooming or style. They may take hours choosing what to wear or how to style their hair. Perfectionism surrounding physical appearance can also lead to eating disorders or exercise addiction.

What Causes Perfectionism?

Many factors can contribute to whether perfectionism develops. A few include:

Frequent fear of disapproval from others or feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
Mental health issues like anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). While a correlation between OCD and perfectionism has been found to exist, not all people with perfectionism have OCD, and not all people with OCD are perfectionists.
Having a parent who exhibits perfectionistic behavior or expresses disapproval when their children’s efforts do not result in perfection. Some parents may encourage their child to succeed in every area or push perfection on them to an extent that can be considered abusive.
An insecure early attachment. People who had a troubled attachment with parents when they were young may experience difficulty self-soothing as adults. They may have trouble accepting a good outcome as good if it’s not perfect.

People with a history of high achievement sometimes feel overwhelming pressure to live up to their previous achievements. This often leads them to engage in perfectionistic behavior. Children who are frequently praised for their accomplishments may feel pressure to keep achieving as they age, which can also cause perfectionistic tendencies.

Source: Good Therapy Website

Author: Copy.AI