Seeking Safety: Safe Coping Skills

 

Everybody has different ways for coping with stress and overwhelming emotions. If you have problems with addiction, you have likely used substances to manage the tough parts of life. To get and stay sober, you have to replace drugs as a coping mechanism and develop healthy strategies for overcoming everyday challenges. Following the Seeking Safety model is an effective way for managing symptoms of trauma and addiction.

Seeking Safety therapy helps individuals identify and practice positive coping skills. Each of the coping skills involved in the Seeking Safety model offers an opportunity to regulate your central nervous system so that you deactivate your flight-fight-freeze mode.

The more you practice the Seeking Safety coping skills, the more readily your body will drop into calmness even when you’re stressed or experiencing cravings. As you learn to access a feeling of safety in your body, you free yourself up for progressive healing.

Seeking Safety sets forth a list of 84 coping skills that anyone can practice and use. The corresponding guidelines and worksheets help individuals use these skills in a way that works for them. Clients are encouraged to come up with their own ideas for coping skills that help them feel safe when impulsive thoughts and feelings arise.

1. Ask for help. Reach out to someone safe.
2. Inspire yourself. Carry something positive (e.g., poem), or negative (e.g., photo of friend who overdosed)
3. Leave a bad scene – When things go wrong, get out.
4. Persist- Never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never give up
5. Honesty- Secrets and lying are at the core of PTSD and substance abuse; honesty heals them
6. Cry- Let yourself cry; it will not last forever
7. Choose self-respect- Choose whatever will make you like yourself tomorrow
8. Take good care of your body- Eat right, exercise, sleep, safe sex
9. List your options- In any situation, you have choices
10. Create meaning- Remind yourself what you are living for: your children? Love? Truth? Justice? God?
11. Do the best you can with what you have- Make the most of available opportunities
12. Set a boundary- Say “no” to protect yourself
13. Compassion- Listen to yourself with respect and care
14. When in doubt, do what’s hardest- The most difficult path is invariably the right one
15. Talk yourself through it- Self-talk helps in difficult times
16. Imagine- Create a mental picture that helps you feel different (e.g., remember a safe place)
17. Notice the choice point- In slow motion, notice the exact moment when you chose a substance ·
18. Pace yourself- If overwhelmed, go slower; if stagnant, go faster
19. Stay safe- Do whatever you need to do to put your safety above all
20. Seek understanding, not blame- Listen to your behavior; blaming prevents growth
21. If one way doesn’t work, try another- As if in a maze, turn a corner and try a new path
22. Link PTSD and substance abuse- Recognize substances as an attempt to self-medicate
23. Alone is better than a bad relationship- If only treaters are safe for now, that’s okay
24. Create a new story- You are the author of your life: be the hero who overcomes adversity
25. Avoid avoidable suffering- Prevent bad situations in advance
26. Ask others-Ask others if your belief is accurate
27. Get organized- You’ll feel more in control with lists, “to do’s” and a clean house
28. Watch for danger signs- Face a problem before it becomes huge; notice red flags
29. Healing above all- Focus on what matters
30. Try something, anything- A good plan today is better than a perfect one tomorrow
31. Discovery-Find out whether your assumption is true rather than staying ”in your head”
32. Attend treatment- AA, self-help, therapy, medications, groups-anything that keeps you going
33. Create a buffer- Put something between you and danger (e.g., time, distance)
34. Say what you really think- You’ll feel closer to others (but only do this with safe people)
35. Listen to your needs- No more neglect- really hear what you need
36. Move toward your opposite- E.g., if you are too dependent, try being more independent
37. Replay the scene- Review a negative event: what can you do differently next time?
38. Notice the cost- What is the price of substance abuse in your life?
39. Structure your day-A productive schedule keeps you on track and connected to the world
40. Set an action plan- Be specific, set a deadline, and let others know about it
41. Protect yourself- Put up a shield against destructive people, bad environments, and substances
42. Soothing talk- Talk to yourself very gently (as if to a friend or small child)
43. Think of the consequences- Really see the impact for tomorrow, next week, next year
44. Trust the process- Just keep moving forward; the only way out is through
45. Work the material- The more you practice and participate, the quicker the healing
46. Integrate the split self- Accept all sides of yourself; they are there for a reason
47. Expect growth to feel uncomfortable- If it feels awkward or difficult you’re doing it right
48. Replace destructive activities- Eat candy instead of getting high
49. Pretend you like yourself- See how different the day feels
50. Focus on now- Do what you can to make today better; don’t get overwhelmed by the past or future
51. Praise yourself- Notice what you did right; this is the most powerful method of growth
52. Observe repeating patterns- Try to notice and understand your re-enactments
53. Self-nurture- Do something that you enjoy (e.g., take a walk, see a movie)
54. Practice delay- If you can’t totally prevent a selfdestructive act, at least delay it as long as possible
55. Let go of destructive relationships-If it can’t be fixed, detach
56. Take responsibility-Take an active, not a passive approach
57. Set a deadline-Make it happen by setting a date
58. Make a commitment- Promise yourself to do what’s right to help your recovery.
59. RethinkThink in a way that helps you feel better
60. Detach from emotional pain (grounding)- Distract, walk away, change the channel
61. Learn from experience- Seek wisdom that can help you next time
62. Solve the problem- Don’t take it personally when things go wrong-try to just seek a solution
63. Use kinder language- Make your language less harsh
64. Examine the evidence- Evaluate both sides of the picture
65. Plan it out- Take the time to think ahead- it’s the opposite of impulsivity
66. Identify the belief- For example, shoulds, deprivation reasoning
67. Reward yourself-Find a healthy way to celebrate anything you do right
68. Create new “tapes” Literally! Take a tape recorder and record a new way of thinking to play back
69. Find rules to live by- Remember a phrase that works for you (e.g., “Stay real”)
70. Setbacks are not failures- A setback is just a setback, nothing more
71. Tolerate the feeling- “No feeling is final” just get through it safely
72. Actions first and feelings will follow- Don’t wait until you feel motivated; just start now
73. Create positive addictions- Sports, hobbies, AA…
74. When in doubt, don’t- If you suspect danger, stay away
75. Fight the trigger- Take an active approach to protect yourself
76. Notice the source- Before you accept criticism or advice, notice who’s telling it to you
77. Make a decision- If you’re stuck, try choosing the best solution you can right now; don’t wait
78. Do the right thing- Do what you know will help you, even if you don’t feel like it
79. Go to a meeting- Feet first; just get there and let the rest happen
80. Protect your body from HIV- This is truly a life-or-death issue
81. Prioritize healing- Make healing your most urgent and important goal, above all else
82. Reach for community resources- Lean on them! They can be a source of great support
83. Get others to support your recovery-Tell people what you need
84. Notice what you can control- List the aspects of your life you do control (e.g., job, friends .. )

WHEN TO USE SAFE COPING SKILLS

You can use Seeking Safety skills to manage a heightened response whenever you feel unsafe. Recognizing the way that your nervous system responds to triggering scenarios can help you identify when to use these coping skills. In general, when you don’t feel calm and at ease, you are experiencing some level of threat. The coping skills that are taught in Seeking Safety can regulate you so that you can think clearly and take positive action. Seeking Safety aims to reduce the dangerous behaviors that individuals engage in as a result of their trauma symptoms.

You can use Seeking Safety coping skills when:

• You feel anxious or depressed
• You can’t stop your ruminating thoughts
• You have social anxiety
• You’re experiencing cravings
• You have already lapsed or relapsed
• You need more support
• You need motivation or inspiration

Some coping skills recommended as part of the Seeking Safety model are general and work to regulate your nervous system in any situation. Others are more specific and appropriate for particular circumstances.

WHICH SEEKING SAFETY COPING SKILLS RESONATE WITH YOU?

Although Seeking Safety identifies 84 coping skills that you can use in a variety of situations, I can’t cover them all here. However, I have grouped some of the coping skills in categories to help you understand how to apply them to your life.

Communication Coping Skills

Working on your communication skills enhances your relationships with yourself and others. Healthy communication encourages honesty and allows you to get all of the facts before you react.

• Ask for help – You can’t go through recovery alone. Make a list of safe people, and reach out to them when you need support. You can also use your support system to give you feedback about whether your beliefs are accurate.
• Honesty – People with addiction issues are often dishonest with themselves and others. However, being honest allows you to identify and heal the source of the problem.
• Set a boundary – When you feel triggered or threatened, you can say “no” or “not yet” to protect yourself. Clear boundaries can help you navigate relationships safely and without drama.
• Talk/coach yourself through it – Seeking Safety helps you identify patterns of negative self-talk and build positive beliefs by reframing your thinking. You’ll learn to replace unhelpful thoughts with constructive ones.

Mindfulness Coping Skills

Practicing mindfulness gives you a chance to process powerful emotions without letting them overtake you. The mindfulness strategies that you learn as part of Seeking Safety also reduce potentially unsafe coping mechanisms, such as dissociation, which are linked to PTSD symptoms.

• Visualize a safe space – Use your senses to ground yourself in your environment, noticing what you see, hear, feel, smell and taste. You can also create an image of a safe space in your imagination, returning to it when you feel threatened.
• Notice the choice point – Become aware of the details that lead up to unhealthy behaviors. Doing this helps you recognize warning signs, feelings and activities that put you at risk. You can use these incidents as intervention points for your recovery.
• Focus on the current moment – You can’t change the past or control the future. Notice what’s going on now and think about what you need at the moment to get through it.

Self-Care Coping Skills

Many people with trauma and addiction issues have a distorted sense of self-worth. Taking care of yourself confirms that you deserve to feel good and strengthens your self-efficacy and self-esteem.

• Inspire yourself – Surround yourself with inspiring people. Read inspirational stories. Keep an inspirational reminder, such as a journal or quote, in your wallet.
• Cry – Let yourself process emotions. Choking them off locks them in your body, where they continue to generate negative symptoms.
• Practice self-respect – Seeking Safety encourages you to make decisions that will help you feel good about yourself.
• Take care of your body – Nourish yourself with good food, exercise and sleep to lay the foundation for a healthy life.

Constructive Action Coping Skills

Although the Seeking Safety principles underscore the importance of constructive thinking, they also teach you how to transform your thoughts into positive behaviors.

• Leave a bad scene – If you don’t feel safe, leave the situation and put yourself in a safe one.
• List all of your options – Seeing potential choices on paper allows you to make objective decisions.
• Do what feels hard – Staying in familiar territory, even if it’s not healthy, often feels more comfortable than lurching into the unknown. The difficult choice is often the best one.
• Avoid avoidable suffering – Don’t confuse discomfort with suffering. Uncomfortable decisions are usually the right ones when they have positive outcomes. However, if you feel that a particular action will put you in an unhealthy situation with a negative consequence, recognize the warning signs. Make a different choice.

GETTING HELP WITH SEEKING SAFETY AND COPING SKILLS

You may think that using Seeking Safety skills is easier said than done. However, with the right guidance and support, you can rewire your brain, creating constructive patterns of thought and action.

I offer couples and individual sessions to help you create a fulfilling, meaningful life in recovery. The goal is to provide a safe space for you to learn, heal and grow. I integrate the Seeking Safety model in my practice to ensure that you feel secure as you delve into your depths and access the parts of you that have been stifled, neglected or subjugated. Contact me to learn more about how my therapy plans and coaching programs nurture your strengths and promote a long-lasting recovery from trauma and addiction.

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