James Fitzgerald Therapy PLLC

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Emotion Regulation: Myths About Emotions

Understanding what emotions are

Emotions are whole‑body responses that arise when the brain interprets an internal or external event as personally meaningful. Contemporary neuroscience shows that cortical appraisal networks, subcortical limbic circuits, the autonomic nervous system, and the endocrine and immune systems interact to generate each emotional episode, preparing the client to act, think, and relate in ways that promote survival and social connection. Rather than being irrational intrusions on “pure” reason, emotions guide attention, motivate behavior, signal needs, and communicate values both to the self and to others. Research in affective neuroscience and constructionist theories, such as those advanced by Lisa Feldman Barrett, demonstrates that the brain constructs emotions by drawing on past learning, bodily sensations, and cultural meaning, which explains why two people can feel very differently in response to the same event.

Functions of emotions in daily life

When the client experiences fear, their sympathetic nervous system mobilizes energy for protection; when they feel sadness, parasympathetic processes slow them down to grieve, conserve resources, and elicit care; when they feel joy, dopaminergic reward pathways reinforce actions that nourish well‑being and social bonds. Emotions therefore serve four overlapping functions: they provide information (“something important is happening”), organize rapid action (“do something now”), coordinate social signaling (“let others know what is needed”), and encode personal meaning that shapes memory and learning. Decades of empirical work—from evolutionary psychology to attachment research—confirm that suppressing or pathologizing these functions often backfires, amplifying distress and eroding resilience.

Myths about emotions: a dialectical perspective

Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches that many difficulties with emotion regulation arise because people have been taught culturally sanctioned myths about feelings. Below, each myth is presented in plain language, followed by an evidence‑based response that integrates DBT wisdom with findings from broader affective science, trauma research, and social psychology. The discussion remains in continuous prose to respect the client’s preference for paragraph form.

A pervasive myth insists that emotions are either good or bad and should therefore be welcomed or eliminated accordingly. In reality, every emotion contains adaptive information; what varies is the context and the skillfulness with which the client responds. Judging an emotion as “bad” often leads to secondary shame or anger at the feeling itself, compounding suffering. DBT reframes emotions as data, not directives, inviting the client to validate the feeling while choosing effective action.

Another common belief is that strong emotions are a sign of weakness or lack of self‑control. Yet evolutionary biology reveals that intense affect evolved to mobilize vigorous responses in urgent situations, while attachment theory shows that openly expressed emotion recruits social support that enhances survival. Suppressing visible emotion, especially under chronic stress, is linked to hypertension, immune dysregulation, and impaired interpersonal trust. Thus, vulnerability in sharing feelings can be a marker of courage and authenticity rather than frailty.

A third myth holds that people “can’t help how they feel,” rendering emotions uncontrollable and fixed. Although initial affective arousal may be involuntary, neuroplasticity research demonstrates that appraisal, mindfulness, re‑labeling, and values‑based action can shape subsequent waves of emotion, altering their intensity, duration, and meaning. This is the foundation of cognitive reappraisal in CBT, acceptance and defusion in ACT, and wise‑mind practice in DBT, all of which empower the client to influence emotional trajectories without invalidating their initial experience.

Some clients have learned that expressing emotion will inevitably harm relationships or escalate conflict. Communication studies show the opposite: congruent emotional disclosure, delivered with respectful tone and I‑statements, predicts greater relational satisfaction and problem resolution. DBT’s interpersonal effectiveness skills (DEAR MAN, GIVE, FAST) teach the client how to express emotion with clarity and self‑respect, turning potential conflict into opportunities for connection.

The cultural phenomenon of “toxic positivity” perpetuates the myth that only pleasant emotions are acceptable and that negative feelings should be replaced immediately with cheerful thoughts. Positive psychology research warns that relentless pursuit of happiness paradoxically increases depression and dissatisfaction, while trauma‑informed care emphasizes that acknowledging painful emotion is a prerequisite for integration and healing. Authentic well‑being arises when the client welcomes the full emotional spectrum and responds with self‑compassion and skillful action, rather than forcing positivity.

Another misconception suggests that emotions are purely biological and therefore universal, ignoring cultural shaping. Cross‑cultural studies—including field work with the Himba people of Namibia—reveal that categories, expressions, and even the subjective felt sense of emotions vary across societies, underscoring the importance of cultural humility in therapy. Recognizing this variability helps the client reinterpret feelings that clash with dominant norms as culturally contextual rather than pathological.

Finally, many people assume that once an emotion passes, rational thinking is fully restored and the mind is “clean.” Neuroscience contradicts this by showing that emotional arousal leaves lasting traces in memory, perception, and bodily readiness. Practicing DBT’s mindfulness “WHAT” and “HOW” skills teaches the client to notice lingering emotional residue and to return to the present moment with non‑judgmental awareness, reducing the risk of acting on outdated emotional information.

Integrating myth‑busting into therapeutic practice

In treatment, the therapist invites the client to identify which myths resonate with their lived history, then collaboratively tests those beliefs through behavioral experiments, mindful exposure, and compassionate self‑inquiry. For instance, a client who fears that expressing sadness will burden loved ones may practice sharing a concise feelings statement and observe whether support or rejection follows. Such experiential learning aligns with DBT’s emphasis on dialectical synthesis: two seemingly opposing truths—honoring emotion and pursuing effective change—can coexist. Over time, dismantling emotion myths enlarges the client’s window of tolerance, fosters psychological flexibility, and strengthens secure attachment to self and others.

Conclusion

Emotions are indispensable messengers that enrich the client’s life with meaning, motivation, and relational depth. Myths that label feelings as dangerous, shameful, or uncontrollable restrict the natural flow of experience and undermine mental health. By exposing these misconceptions through DBT principles and contemporary science, therapy empowers the client to relate to emotions with curiosity, compassion, and choice. In doing so, they reclaim the full palette of human experience as a guide toward values‑driven living and collective well‑being.

References

  • Barrett, L. F. (2017). How emotions are made: The secret life of the brain. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
  • Gendron, M., & Barrett, L. F. (2021). Emotion perception across cultures: The role of conceptual knowledge. Nature Reviews Psychology, 1(1), 47‑58.
  • Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
  • Niemi, P. M. (2015, October 15). 10 common myths about emotions (and why they’re wrong). Psychology Today.
  • Phelps, E. A. (2006). Emotion and cognition: Insights from studies of the human amygdala. Annual Review of Psychology, 57, 27‑53.
  • Rosenberg, E. L. (2020). Emotion regulation: Conceptual and practical issues. Routledge.
  • Teen Vogue. (2022, January 5). Why toxic positivity needs to go.
  • DialecticalBehaviorTherapy.com. (2024). Myths about emotions.